Last weekend, Nicole Givens Kurtz, Crymsyn Hart and I spent two days selling books at a small local convention. We had a lovely time chatting with kids and cosplayers and readers, and we even sold a few books. But every now and then someone would approach the table and say something that made it clear there was never any intention of buying anything, leaving us shaking our heads at each other.
1) “I only read nonfiction.”
There’s nothing wrong with choosing to expand your understanding of history or science or politics. One glance at our book covers will tell you we’re offering works of imagination. Some of our books take place in the real world or are based on actual history, but that was definitely not close enough to be interesting. I’m fairly certain you know you’re at a science fiction and fantasy oriented convention. Unless you’ve been kidnapped and forced to attend? **
2) “I only read the Bible.”
Why did you even approach the table? You can tell from a distance that titles like Forest of Bones or A Butterfly Nexus are probably not fitting your criteria. Were you hoping to morally one-up the sin-filled writers with your holiness?
3) “I read everything.”
This one is a trap. The person who says it probably hasn’t picked up a book since 8th grade, but they’re never going to admit it. So they drop the responsibility of suggesting the perfect book for them into our laps. We start suggesting titles, putting books in their hands, and after 20 minutes of “This sounds interesting” or “Oh yeah, I’d like that”, the person walks away without making a purchase. They never intended to buy a book. We were a brief entertainment, and now we’re exhausted.
4) “I’m a writer.”
This is not always a bad thing to say. We were there as Mocha Memoirs Press, which is open to submissions, so we were delighted to chat with writers seeking publication (and we even met a couple who showed promise.) Writers should feel welcome to make those connections with us, to expand their network and ask the questions that will help them along. The book world is a tight ecosystem, and it’s already hard to find your way in. Come at us with a professional attitude, and everyone’s going to walk away happy.
However, if all you want is to impress us with your brilliant Tolkienesque epic that you’ve been worldbuilding since high school but have yet to write a single actual word of, I guarantee our eyes will glaze over and we’ll start praying for the heat death of the universe, anything to make you stop talking.
5) “I don’t read.”
Okey dokey, then. The Funko Pops and trading cards are across the room, sunshine.
** And yes, we asked if they might be interested in shopping for a friend or loved one. Nope.